*nails on a chalkboard* “So, it’s a CARTA ye be needin’? We’ll find it for three, but we’ll catch it, and hit it for ten. For that ye get the glass top, the base, the whole damn thing.”
If ye haven’t heard, there’s something big out there, lurking beneath the waves. Some say it’s a legend. Others say it’s real enough to hold in yer hands. And still others say this limited edition CARTA is so mean and mysterious, that just when ye think ye’ve got it, it wraps its waxy tentacles around ye first. In the past, CARTA has brought ye higher than ye’ve ever been. But for this limited edition, they’ve gone deep. So, if ye think ye’ve got what it takes to hunt this salty smart rig then get yer gear together and meet us at the docks. No, that fishing pole isn’t going to cut it. And with this deepwater dab rig we’re chasing, ye’re definitely going to need a bigger dab. Let’s catch us a CARTA Atlantis, matey.
Saturday, November 13th: The Search for the CARTA Atlantis Begins
First things first, sailors: we need to know what we’re looking for. The Focus V CARTA Atlantis is instantly recognizable by its mysterious, shimmering blue veneer. Now, a lot of scallywags come to us when they see a hint of blue out there in the night with “Oh, we found a CARTA Atlantis!” We don’t even need to hear the rest of their story to know they saw the much more common Blue CARTA Laser Edition. It’s easy to confuse them until ye see the Atlantis for yerself. Then, ye’ll never make that mistake again. Whereas the Blue Laser has almost a turquoise shade to it, the Atlantis has a deeper, vaguely iridescent look to its blue. Another dead giveaway is the sandblasted blue perc of a common Laser whereas a CARTA Atlantis boasts a deep blue perc undiluted by any sandblasting effect. When ye look into that blue, it looks right back into ye. Both have a similar shade of blue for the carb cap, we’ll give ye that. But only one has the sapphire blue atomizer; make no mistake about that, hearties. And that’s the CARTA Atlantis. Some of the fiercest buccaneers and lowliest rapscallions have wound up in Davy Jone’s locker chasing after that blue atomizer… but ye’re going to see one for yerself today. Pirate’s honor!
Sunday, November 14th: The Legends of the CARTA Atlantis
Go to any port town, dockside watering hole, or seaside inn and ye’ll hear tell of the treasures of Atlantis. Some describe it as the promise of a utopia, lost beneath as many years as waves; a secret too righteous for this world so it had to be sunk down into a trench so deep that no force of god or man could ever find it again. Others say it comes with the same curse that created the Lotus Eaters… an island of people who simply eat lotus cakes all day everyday, laying about in endless bliss and tranquility with memories no longer than that of a fish. And still others say the blessing and the curse are just two sides of the same coin. But we’ve parleyed with some of the buccaneers that found the Atlantis and actually returned to tell the tale… and they swear that it hits like the blackest storm, all swirling clouds and mists, leaving a thick fog of blissful euphoria in its wake that they could only describe as “elevating.” When we asked the captain why he and his crew would return from that briney heaven, he simply replied with a hollow expression on his gaunt face as if he’d seen a ghost ship, “We ran out of wax.”
Monday, November 15th: Avast! It’s More Beautiful Than Ye Could Have Imagined!
Wake up, sailor! The Atlantis is upon us! Don’t bother going for that harpoon like a bloody fool! Ye won’t stand a chance! Look, out there, just beyond that surf… coming right for us. I’m going to have that lookout in the crow’s nest swabbing this deck for a fortnight for failing to warn us. What’s that? He’s been muttering “blimey, it’s so blue” to himself and laughing hysterically for the last hour?! Well, we promised ye’d see that mysterious blue for yerself and we weren’t lying. Don’t bother trying to steer us out of its way, coxswain… it’s too late. Best just batten down the hatches and pray to whatever god ye believe in. The CARTA Atlantis is really quite beautiful though, isn’t it? Why, I feel so… so at peace. Have ye ever seen anything quite like it? Here comes that fog… what do ye mean our wax reserves are low? This can’t be happening! We finally had ye, Atlantis! We finally had ye!
Landlubbers that ye are, I imagine a piece of yer heart will always belong to the sea now. But how will we ever find the likes of the CARTA Atlantis again with enough wax to tame her forever? Our only hope is an old sutler who sells his wares at the docks and claims there’s something called a… a preorder; says ye can use it to catch and keep a CARTA Atlantis in yer thrall forever. I’m an old pirate so I don’t trust easy. But maybe there be some truth to it. Me first mate says, “Maybe it’s not about the search for Atlantis but the dabs we enjoyed along the way.” A curse on that! Where’s that CARTA merchant? I demand me pre-order!